What's wrong with me??

I know something is, or maybe everything is!!
I can feel myself changing a lot, and I ain't getting no better, as a matter of fact I am getting worse!
My strength is not the same, my patience is not the same, my mood swings are not the same, my nature is not the same, my loving attitude is not the same and my life is not the same. But I am still the same, same person, same face, same body!
Why am I hurting others, especially the people I love the most and myself too? What do I gain by doing such things?
So many questions, but no answers......
I get a feeling of guilt, feeling loneliness, feeling of being powerless more often these days!
I guess I really need to ponder over these 'changes' and work out a way for a better life for myself n people close to me....
Well, on a lighter side, my new job is cool!! The work environment is so very different and professional than my previous office. The people are different, the way they interact is different and the work is different. But, I guess, I will get to learn a lot here and I am going to use this opportunity to the fullest. My life is gonna get busier, long working hours, reaching home late, just managing to complete the house-hold chores and hit the bed! And that’s the reason that though I felt like blogging n writing a lot many times, I just couldn't make myself sit in front of comp and type!
I watched the movie 'I,Robot' today afternoon, its time pass movie. I tried to sleep in noon, but was feeling very restless and just couldn't sleep, managed to get few winks in evening, when I got a call from school friend. He informed me that he n another friend of mine were planning to drop in at my place, and I readily invited them. But I realized that I will have to face a lot many questions from them regd 'some' person, as they are unaware of 'that' part of my life, and I really was in no mood to talk about anything today. I called him back and told him that I would be going out some place! I know I just can't run away from people and questions, but it’s just that right now, at least today, I didn't want to face them.
Well, things mite even start moving on marriage front. I spoke to dad to Saturday morning and asked him to go ahead with the groom search. I had a little argument about the age difference issue etc, my dad wants me to be more flexible about ‘expectations’ and eventually I agreed. I know he would never do or think bad for me. He also took out ‘his’ topic and questioned me ‘why’ he did what he did. I just told dad that I don’t want to talk about that person, my head starts spinning thinking about him. I just feel angrier.
Now there is something exciting coming up that I am really looking forward to.... My would-be bhabhi is coming from States in couple of days. I am eager to meet her and also planning to visit her next weekend and spend sometime with her. She is a very sweet gurl and I love her.
C ya folks.. have to make some preparations for tomorrows tiffin and get ready for another week, hopefully a better one!!
Keep smiling and world will smile with you!!!
Listening to Song: Powerless by Nelly Furtado (Josh - Desi remix)